I think your passing has knocked daddy too hard as he prefers not to talk about you.Even though I prefer talking more about you,I will respect his space and when he is good and ready he will open up.But he has become rather too distant for my liking,indeed men mourn differently,maybe he is trying to be strong for your sister and I but it is not working for me cause I need his shoulder to cry on.

Either way I won't let this destroy us cause I know you'll hate for us to be apart because of your death.He needs you,kiss him goodnight and remind him the values of life.Why did you leave me,I am lonely and no one understands how I truly feels,I think society has brainwashed them cause most africans prefers not to talk about their sleeping babies.I just do not understand why but either way that's how they were raised.Now I have a lot of women tell me that it happened to them but they didn't wait long to concieve and that's how they healed,yet there are those who had more than 2 stillbirths and it makes me wonder..........but I am positive it won't happen to me again.Okay I understand that we as people are different but I just want to understand that not talking about it does it help..Hmmm deep in thoughts.

Maybe according to tradition I shouldn't be writting this but I find comfort in writting and it heals my heart.

Today 10/03/11 marks a month since you left me.My baby mommy thinks of you each and everyday.You were a part of me,which means you'll never be forgotten.Yesterday I packed your things away and I will keep it in the bag until I find closure but when I give them away don't think I will be letting you go cause I keep you in my heart and carry you everywhere I go.Today I just wanted to be alone and think of you but hey I had a visitor who stayed the whole day but atleast I have this time to think and miss you.I love you Nkazimulo and God knows that I wanted you alive but destiny became destiny.At times I feel I have failed you but I know that's satan whispering lies to me cause in a matter of fact I did not.It is amazing how God takes care of one's heart,I now write to you with no tears just heartache indeed He has turned my mourning into dancing.I might not be dancing right now but God has taught me to have peace that comes from Him only.Words cannot explain how I long for you,my heart cannot express how I miss and love you.Nkazimulo my child you'll always be in my heart.When I think of the day you were born,your delicate skin torn,how can I forget that image.To me it looked like you suffered before you left but what I don't understand is why didn't I feel those aggressive kicks at times I feel like a bad mother not to have noticed but thank God who always reminds us that only He protects.*sleep well my sleeping beauty,mommy loves you very much and thinks of you*

It's been 2 days since I wrote about you,but that does not mean I was not thinking about you cause I was.At times it breaks my heart how fast you have reached your destiny.Even though my heart has accepted that it was your destiny,my mind is confused and at times filled with anger of how I was so robbed of you but I have God's peace to calm me down and give me hope.I saw you in my future but you are not there.Oh my baby girl mommy's heart yearns for you.Yesterday I dreamt of you and indeed when I woke up you are still gone.How at times I wish you had lived but God has perfect plans for you Nkazimulo.I want to pack all the stuff that were meant for you,eish yaah they were waiting for you to wear them,use them and now they have to be packed away.Even though I may say life is not fair,it won't bring you back.I love you with all of my heart Nkazi and I am missing you everyday.I pray for you at all times,I keep you in my spirit where I carry you everywhere I go.*sleep tight mommy's beautiful girl*

I love you by Kulani

Only if words can be expressed any better and louder,you'll hear my heart....
singing a beautiful song to you my baby
with the sweet melody and beautiful instruments
You'll hear it singing I LOVE YOU

Loving you came naturally
whether I held you or not
whether I rocked you or not
My love for you was not at first sight
It was unconditional and it still remains that

Loving you now could have been difficult
cause you are out of my sight but it's very easy
Cause I was born to love you dearly

Motherly love is sacred
and only God know why its natural
I love you with all of my heart
I know you can hear that melody in my heart
as it sings "I LOVE YOU BABY"

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Letter from Heaven by Ruth Ann Mahaffey

The day I left,when my life was through
God picked me up and hugged me;
and now I say to you.....

My God gave me a list of things
He wished for me to do;
and foremost on that list of mine is to watch and care for you

To my dearest family,some things I'd like to say
but first of all is to let you know that I have arrived okay
I'm writting this from heaven where I dwell with God above;
where there's no more tears or sadness;
there is just eternal love

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight
remember I'm with you every morning,noon and night
I will be beside you everyday and week and year
and when you are sad,I'm standing here to wipe away your tears
and when you lie in bed at night,the day's chores are put to flight
God and I are closest to you in the middle of the night.

But one thing is for certain,
though my life on earth is no more,I am closer to you now than I was ever before
when you are walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;
I am walking in your footsteps only half a step behind;
and when you feel that gentle breeze or the wind upon your face,
that's me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace
and I will always love you from that land way up above;
I'll be in touch soon....

Hosi ni tata wa mina(hymm)

Days after your death,I found myself singing this hymm and it actually made sense and brought comfort.At times I would ask my sister to sing it for me and as the words were said loudly I found myself saying oh yes it is so well with my soul.

Hosi ni Tata wa mina,hambi ndzi nga vaviseka
endla ku rhandza ka wena-E hi swona

Xana mina ndzi nga ala?-Kasi wena wa ndzi rhandza!
Ndzi ta khensa,ndzi hlamula-E,hi swona

Leswi ndzi swi tsakelaka-mdzi nyikiwile hi wena;
Hambi u susa,ndza vonga-E,hi swona

Ni varhandziwa va mina-Loko u va vita kaya;
Ndzi dyondzise ku hlamula-E,hi swona

Ndza swi tiva,ndzi mudyohi-Gome,nhlomulo,mihloti
swi ndzi lulamele mina-E;hi swona

Kambe tintswalo ta wena-Ti ta ndzi rhulisa moya
Hi ku tsaka ka le henhla;-E,hi swona

English version-It is well

Do not cry-unknown author

Do not cry,I did not die my time just came to part
but I will always be close to your heart
I am resting in a peaceful place
If you see me now,I wear a happy face
He gives me a lot of care and love
I am here in heaven above
so do not cry,because I didn't die
keep me alive in your heart
because from there I'll never part
when I died I kept on living
I'm your angel up in heaven
You'll always have my love seeing you through
remember I love you all

Your Life by Kulani

Your life was like dew of the morning
when the sunrised,it melted
It melted so quickly so fast

Your maker had called you home
We might not understand but we accept
Your life was pre-planned
and whether we like it or not
that was your destiny

For if not,you could have been still growing in my womb waiting for your time to come and grace us with your presence
As hard as it is to know that your life was never lived in this world of the living
But you did live a life in my womb

Precious Nkazi I will celebrate your life all my life
for you were a very special child
who lived in the unknown world
and now lives in heaven with my Father
Your life was and is still precious

It could have been a long life but now you are blessed
because you are living an eternal life
where you are there is no more death
Live your life to the fullest chosen one of God
Live your life
I miss you Nkazimulo
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Peacefully by Kulani

Peacefully you came into this world
Peacefully you left
Peaceful that's where you went

Leaving this rattling world
Leaving its pain and sorrows
Leaving its sins behind

Peacefully your soul rests
Peacefully your body rests
At peace mommy gets as she knows that .......
Peacefully you are sleeping tight
covered with the shadow of God's wings
Waiting for the coming of the Lord

Sleep peacefully always Nkazimulo my angel'
mommy loves and adores you

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Till we meet by Kulani

Till we meet in paradise my girl
I shall remember you
I shall love you dearly
I shall miss you
I shall wonder how you could have been
I shall wonder how could I have been as a mother,as your mother
But till we meet again
I shall hold on to the dreams I had for you
the plans I had for you
the things I wanted to teach you
the laughs and cries we could have shared
the hugs and kisses
the vacations we could have taken
the photographs we could have captured

I will never say goodbye
I will never bid you farewell
But I will say "till we meet again"
where our hearts desires will be met
where you'll know me and know how much I loved you
How much I missed you
Give you those lots of hugs and kisses
Till we meet again Nkazimulo
I will always hold you in my heart

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Beautiful angel by Kulani

You were born without wings but very beautiful
Wonderfully and fearfully made by God
When your soul departed from your body
He welcomed you with open arms and crowned you with wings
so that you join His kingdom

I believe from the beauty I saw
and now with wings added
You are a very beautiful angel
Spread those wings oh my innocent child with pride
For you were born blessed and sinless
You were sprinkled with the blood of Jesus and partook the body of Christ
with no doubt in my heart that you've found a perfect,beautiful place to stay in
A place fit for a beautiful angel like you

Nkazimulo spread those wings
You blessed child of the Lord and fly abundantly into the sky
I know you are gracing the kingdom of my Father with your outstanding beauty
Oh my beautiful angel,mommy loves you so dearly
and is at peace that you are an active and beautiful angel
How sweet for a mother to know that,so soothing for the aching heart
But bringing smiles that you are bringing glory to the kingdom of the Most High
I miss you Nkazi,my beautiful angel

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My story by Kulani

There were photographs I wanted to take,things I wanted to show you
Stories of family trees I wanted to share with you
sing sweet lullabies,wipe your teary eyes
who could love you like this?
People say that I am strong but I'm not
truth is I'm barely hanging on but there's a greater story written before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you while your heart beats there
long beyond the empty cradle,through the coming years
I will carry you all my life
and will praise the One who's chosen me to carry you
such a short time,such a long road

But I know that the silence has brought me to His voice
and says "I've chosen you to mother one of my angels"
And as I release you my angel,I pray you land safely
I  will carry you in my spirit
and put you in my sacred place
where no one will ever take your love from me not even death itself

I love you Nkazimulo.

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If I could turn back the hands of time and my sleeping beauty you'd still be alive,kicking very hard and waiting for your time to come and grace us with your presence,only if I could turn back the hands of time and my Nkazi,you wouldn't be lying in your grave.Only if,only if I could turn back the hands of time you'd be with us but funny yet painful how things turn,you came early sleeping on Nkazimulo my beautiful girl.Words cannot express how overwhelmed I am with grief right now,thinking to myself how would have it been to mother you.I so longed to rock you to sleep,to hear your giggles to see each and every developmental stage.My angel,mommy's heart is painful.

I am suffering,as strong as I am my world has closed in on me,it's all dark and blur oh my girl,my beautiful girl,your beauty was meant for the soil.No hello mommy,no goodbye mommy,you just vanished into thin air oh my poor baby.My angel I did not get the chance to tell you face to face that I love you but I am sure that in heaven you know that mommy loves you dearly and holds you dear to her heart for you to stay there forever.Some may forget you but you'll never be forgotten in my heart.Your spirit will live forever in my heart,I will hold you dearly and tenderly.They say there is life after death,live a holy life my child and make mommy proud cause that's how I wanted you to live here on earth and that's how I am raising your sister to know holiness and follow Jesus Christ for He is the life.I will always be your mother and you'll always be my 2nd born.Beautiful you are,sleep tight Nkazimulo.Mommy is sending you a big hug and kisses.

Death by Kulani

Death do you have any remorse at all?
Do you know the pain you leave after you have snatched?
I would like to know your selection cause I do not understand why all the innocents you take.
Death oh death; you are a thief.
The biggest thief that robs people of what could have been joyous.
What could have been joy;you turn to sorrow and bitterness
Oh death don't you have feeling at all cause if you had you wouldn't have taken my beautiful baby

I do not hate you yet I do not like you
You have hurt me so much,you saw that my little girl will complete me once more and will be my pride and joy and you chose her.
Oh my word,you left me paralyzed,my whole being is numb
Death,the time thief,you stole the time I could have spent raising my girls,now I am left with one beautiful girl to raise.

Death such a small word but your impact is too hard
No one loves you,even old people are scared of you
When you come you do not knock,you just throw yourself in
You gatecrasher and destroy the lifes of people
Wherever you pass,you leave turmoil and lots of sadness,lots of unanswered questions
Do you have a family?
You'd know that it hurts when you come and steal our loved ones
Death your wounds do not heal,they always strikes the heart and tear it into pieces and when you visit another family,you always relive the memories of all those you have snatched from another family.
Yet we cannot run away from you nor hide from you cause when you call we are bound to answer as painful as it is to those left behind.
Death oh death

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Reality check,Nkazi you are truly gone,it was not a dream it was real.You left me broken,you left me shattered,you left me sorrowful.You were suppose to have come to be a blessing unto our family,to share love and laughter instead we are mourning,we are grieving.Lord help me,only You can help me,only you can heal this wound,nothing seem to be healing me.Sometimes the road is narrow,sometimes the load is very heavy on my shoulders but in thee O' Lord I put my trust.I am missing you more everyday my sleeping beauty,I am missing you like crazy.I know if it was possible,I would have taken your place so that you can live the life that was robbed of you.I don't believe you were created to be covered with soil,my life will never be the same cause you died with my heart.It is aching and how can I know joy when you are not here with me.

People are going on with their lives and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that but as your mother my world has collapsed,it has closed in on me.I laugh when I am around people but I feel guilty doing that cause there is this deep hole that no one could ever close up.Every step I take,every move I make,every single day,every time I breathe I will be missing you.Thinking of that day when you went away Nkazi,it was and is still the hardest day for me.Don't you wish to come down angel and kiss mommy and tell her it's gonna be okay?Cause I wish you could just do that so that I know you are at peace.I am surrending this pain unto you O' Lord,heal me before it consumes me.Your death certificate came as "Baby Kulani"like you never had a name.I will always cherish you in my heart and I will hold you so dearly and you'll feel my warmth in paradise.One day I'll come and join you and I will have the opportunity to tell you how much I love you and missed you.Sleep Nkazimulo Mathibela

Nkazi my girl,why did you have to say good bye before you said hello.My heart cannot bear this my baby,I am trying but everyday I think of you and it takes me back to the 10\02 when you were pronounced dead.I want you back so badly,I want to hold you and see that beautiful face,I bet you had a beautiful smile just like your sister.How can my life be the same when now I am an angel mom?You are now part of the angels.My beautiful Nkazimulo my dreams are shattered,my life bitter,feeling like I have failed you,I didn't pray enough to save you from the schemes of the devil.The devil stole you from me to see me miserable and bitter but Nkazimulo both you and mommy are the children of the living God.He took the Israelites from Egypt,the land of slavery,He will surely take mommy out of this misery and place you in His dwelling place where you will be filled with His unconditional love and peace.We cannot allow to be defeated for we serve Jehovha Sabaoth who is Greater in His battles and my baby people won't go unpunished for robbing you of the life that you could have lived,for the love and warmth that was waiting for you here on earth,the joy that you were going to bring oh my poor child little did we know that you will be an angel the minute you arrive.

I was robbed of the joy of motherhood,to rock you and lullaby you,the night shift,the diaper changing,the breast feeding,to see all your baby's growth developments,oh my angel.At times I just speak in my heart that come back to mommy and live your life to the fullest.I cannot explain to anyone how this pain feels cause it is not explainable.I bonded with you,nartured you when you were still being knitted perfectly in my womb,that's why you were so beautiful,indeed you were fearfully and wonderfully made but to be an angel.Nkazimulo mommy loves you with all of her heart and wishes there would be a miracle and you'd come back to me and daddy.We want you back,heaven knows that.Be a victor wherever you are,win the race and mommy will also fight to be a victor not a victim.

Pain of a mother who lost a child by Kulani

If you are not a mother and never lost,how do you expect to know the pain of losing a child.
Whether miscarriage,stillborn,born and lived life but passes on; the pain of seeing the child that you birthed covered with soil is unbearable.
Wishing as a mother you can breathe your own breath so that your child might have life;wishing if you had taken his/her space
But life do not work that way;everyone has their own destiny

But the pain that comes with burying your own child is unbearable;
You always wonder when you see other children how yours could have been
You smile and hide grief when around people but when the sunset;the memories comes back very strong and yearn just to hold him\her and say "baby,mommy adores you."

This is one pain that the wound doen't heal,no medication can heal it nor make it better;
no time frame heals the pain,you'll just try to move on but like I said in your quiet time all the memories bring back the pain.

One pain you cannot transfer to anyone to carry it for you
One pain that you carry by yourself as heavy and heartbreaking as it is
such suffering that you are expected to move on and forget cause you can bear more children
They forget that every child is unique and as a mother you are given plenty of love to share to all your children and no child will replace another.
The pain of a mother who lost a child no matter how old they were\are is heart piercing,it is a nightmare no amount of condelescences can remove the pain,no amount of children can remove the pain,not even time will heal.
This is one pain the mother takes to the grave with.

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A Child Of Mine (To All Parents) by Edgar Guest

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

Nkazi I professy that you will be a victorious warrior in the spiritual realm,the devil will tremble at the mention of your name here on earth,you will bring glory to the kingdom of God above.You won't be used for evil purposes but you will conquer because the blood of Jesus is upon you.Devil is defeated it might have robbed daddy and I of the life we were waiting to share with you but to God be the glory forever and ever.You will remain in Christ for you are a child of the Most High God,you are a winner Nkazimulo(God's glory)Mathibela in Christ the Lord and you are a vessel to be used for His glory.O' my soul praise the Lord for His mercies and grace abounds with me and my family.

There is no doubt that Nkazi I loved you more than anything but God is still the same yesterday(when I heard that I was expecting you,a blessing from above),the same today(when He took you to His dwelling place to stay there and bring glory unto His kingdom) and forever(when He continues to bless the fruits of my womb and not let this ever happen again).Now I hear this song "Through it all I've learned to trust in Jesus,I've learned to trust in God."Nkazi our Father will carry us through this grieving period and He will look down on us in mecry and grace and open the flood gates of heaven and poor us with blessings that we will have no room enough to store.You will always be our princess,our beautiful angel who we will hold dear to our hearts because your names are engraved in our hearts and no one will ever erase that.We fall down but we get up,we fall down but we get up for a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up*singing*.We will get up and rise on eagle's wings for I put my trust in the Lord.Nkazimulo mommy loves you and I know wherever you are,you know that.

ImageChef.com Poetry Blender Mommy is thinking of you and loves you dearly.Mommy wants to do something in your honour,in your memory and I know wherever you are you will be happy and you will approve.Mommy will rejoice if you rest in God's dwelling place,where I know you will be safe untill we meet again.If death thinks it will separate us,it is wrong cause it has bind us and made us stronger than before and we have learned to truly love and cherish as much as we truly love and cherish your sweet soul.It feels so wrong to write to you with dry eyes,could this mean that you have wiped my tears but my heart can't stop aching when I remember that your life has been cut short before it even begun.Everyday I would really wonder what characteristic you had.My heart longs for you everyday,time might heal my heart but there is a part of me that died with you and I will never forget you,the joy I had everytime I will see you on the sonar,you were very active,healthy and full of life.Little did I know that you'll leave me without at least a smile but the scan pics that we have,it will be our memory of you.I love you

Though I am missing you Nkazi,I will find a way I just don't know when and how to go on,living without you because you were my princess,my pride and my joy.Only God may know why He let you go but I will try to get through for daddy and your sister.My angel there were many things we could have shared if only time was on our side but even though you entertained me with your kicks everyday especially when we had midnight prayers.Now that you are gone,I can still feel you near but I will try with every tear that falls.I miss you my precious little one.A child without sin,my God will fight this battle.I know that He works on His own time but He will avenge.It was His will that you go back to Him.I often wonder who's character you were going to have,that of mommy or daddy.Your sister is daddy's best friend and she is only interested in what daddy loves and I knew that you were gonna be interested in what I loved.Good night Nkazi,mommy adores you with all of her heart and you will always be cherished for the sweet princess that you are.I want to accept but how can I accept my angel before I get a revelation that you are at peace.I miss you

You are still God,You are not a man who can lie nor change your mind.Lord as heavy as this is for me,I fix my eyes unto You.You are not called Jehovha Rapha for nothing but because You are the greatest healer.I believe in my heart that the good work that you have begun in our lives O' Lord you will carry it through to completion till the day of Christ.Guide my thoughts O' dear God,my daughter still needs me.When the devil attacks me with lots of confusion,I pray may you help me brush them off.Nkazi if you can hear me,know that mommy is so empty without you.

At times when I think it gets better it just gets worse.Sometimes the doctor's voice just plays in my head,"there is no heartbeat,the heartbeat that I am picking up is yours."My feelings just died and in disbelief I though it was just a bad joke,a mistake either way he is just a GP maybe when I get to PLK my gynae will tell me otherwise.On the way I was praying for a miracle but Nkazi it was true you were gone.You did not even give me a warning nor a goodbye,you just left just like that.I wanted you so badly,I didn't care of the critics,I knew I was gonna give you the best life,love you unconditionally.You were a perfect gift Nkazimulo.You lived a very short life my baby,very short.Everyday I wonder how you would have turned out to be.I have turned into a laughing stock my baby,first it was daddy losing his job atleast a good thing came YOU and they continued to laugh but I kept strong in prayer and knew that I would be able to support you and now you are gone and my turmoil never stops.Some are asking where is her God now.It looks like all the bad things are coming my way,my life is full of bitterness and sorrow sometimes I become selfish and ask why am I still alive if I know no joy and peace.

Sleep tight my sweet angel,my beautiful Nkazi.You were and will always be a blessing to me.Your passing is teaching me a lot about life and most of all to accept that if it is the will of God nothing will stop it from happening so my angel His will was done in your life.Those who die in the Lord shall inherit the kingdom of God.You died in the Lord my princess,as mommy always prayed for you and it soothes my heart that you are in a better place.I remember when we were at church praising and worshipping you would kick hard to show that you were there with us giving Him all the glory and honour.I don't know what do angels do but believe they are always guarding us so I have gained an angel so is daddy and your sis to guard us in the spiritual realm and arrest all the arrows satan set for us,release the arrows of fire and to burn to ashes all the devil sets for our family.

God is faithful at all times,Nkazi He knew you before you were even formed in my womb,He knew you were there.He pre-planned your life and on that day it was His will that you go and be with Him in heaven.Today we might not understand but we will continue to bring glory to His kingdom cause He who sits on the throne reigns forever and ever for He is worthy to be praised,worthy to be glorified.O' Jesus take root in my heart and mend my broken heart,release your power and let your presence flow.Bind Daddy and I with a cord that can never be broken O' Jesus we need your touch.Please strengthens us and help us run this race,may we not see ourselves as victims but victors through Christ the Lord.We are blessed and not cursed.Help us to accept and praise you for only You know the plans you have for us,plans to prosper us and not to harm us,plans to bring us the future we hope for.Restore and ressuract us O Lord my God,may you turn this mourning into joy,may you turn this misery into a testimony.Rest Nkazimulo,rest in God's glory now and forever more till the coming of Christ.We wish to meet you on that day.We love you so much Nkazi ka mama.Nkazimulo bring glory to the kindgom of God my angel*sleep tight*

My life feels at a standstill,like I have hit a brick wall and cannot see the way forward but GREATER IS HE WHO IS IN ME THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD.Lord you brought me to this and by your grace you will take me out of it for there is nothing impossible with you.I am a victor and not a victim,I am strong and not weak.God has blessed the fruits of my womb and Jeff and I will bear more children and I break the curse cause my bible says cursed is He who was hung on a tree,when He ressuracted He brought with Him eternal life,unconditional love,peace that surpasses all human understanding,joy like a river and forgiveness.No one can curse the blessed one of the Lord.I know Father that at times I am weak and cannot pray,sometimes I wish I could just die and end my misery but Father ,Jesus came so that I may have life and have it in abundance.When confusion reigns O' Lord,please quiet the storm O' my God I pray.Only you are my anchor in this time of need,yes I will be stoned even by my own people but death didn't hold you O' Lord,You rose and you are now seated at the right hand of Our Father,blessed be thy name O' Lord my God forever and ever Amen.

I know that your sister is here but my angel I feel motherless.Yesterday I went to the doctor and couldn't bear to pregnant women and babies,hoping it was still me carrying you in my womb till you were full term or it was me holding you in my arms cause you were a premmie but my angel you are lying in your coffin covered with soil.Now that I am hearing that I shouldn't wait long to conceive again at times I am even considering it but deep down in my heart I know that whether I concieve or not no one will ever replace you nor fill the hole that you have left opened in my heart.Nkazi,do you really know how much I loved you and wanted you to live?If I had only one wish I would wish you were alive.I really want someone to blame but there is none,the God that I pray only He is the giver of life and only He can take a life so if He said YES who am I to say NO.I pray that you don't feel like I failed you nor I never protected you enough,I only had limited powers and used them everyday praying for your protection.My angel daddy needs your hug at this moment,he is back at home with no support system and he feels like he is being punished for your death.My sweet angel look down at him and give him a warm hug and remind him that your sister and I need him.

Your departure is very unbearable to both of us and I know the Lord did not take you away to bring confusion in our home but to build us stronger.I wish I was strong enough to have held you in my arms but I was too scared,I was a coward.I know your soul is resting in God's dwelling place.My angel even if I can ask why you,it will never bring you back to me.I will never do all I wanted with you.Your room was well decorated with winnie the pooh characters,I know you would have loved it just like your sister.I love you

Who can erase the pain I feel inside?Who can erase the picture of you nor the experience of birthing you?No one understands the pain in my heart,the hole that no one will ever close.Nkazi my angel if mommy had powers to bring you back I could,just to see your smile,first tooth,first step,first word,first birthday,first day at school but all is in God's hands.He knew you before you were formed in my womb,He knew that I would never hold you nor hear you cry.It strikes straight in my heart.Tell me how do I forget that you once existed in my womb.This is such a cruel and sorrowful world,God had plans and better ones with you.

Good bye my angel,good bye my girl,Nkazi ka mama you will always have a special place in my heart.Rest in God's resting place,rest in His presence,in His perfect peace.One day mommy will meet you and will see your smile for the first time,hear your voice,give you a warm hug if only there is life after death which I believe there is.I release your sweet soul in the spiritual realm,let it go home to my Father,till we meet again my princess.You were very beautiful looked a lot like daddy,wow I knew you were gonna be his duplicate.I remember daddy will always say that you must take his nose,pity your nose came out smashed so we couldn't really see which nose you took but we knew that which ever nose you had you were wonderfully and fearfully created by God.I know in my heart that the Lord will avenge for your death,you were wrongfully robbed of a life that you could have lived but mommy is leaving this battle at the throne of mercy and grace where the fight will be handled by the Greater Warrior,Who never loses in battles which is the Lord my God.I love you Nkazimulo aka Nkazi with all of my heart.Rest my angel,I know that heaven has gained a beautiful angel and we as a family a guardian angel.Sleep tight

Daddy and I cannot sleep when we think of you my baby we just fall apart.Confusion is reigning in our minds,heartache has taken its root.I wish I can say it is okay but I cannot.I wish I could say life will be normal but we both know that it will never be.We were waiting to welcome you and raise you to be a fearing woman of God.When I enquired for your name God said I should give you Nkazimulo which means GLORY.You were suppose to come to this world and bring glory unto the Lord;unto His kingdom.I will never know the gift that you had in you.How can life be so ruthless?How can it rob me of the joy of motherhood?I didn't play a big role in raising Vukona and with you I wanted to raise you and not miss any important step of growth but I already missed that before it ever began.

Many people were saying that your sister is too young to have a little sister but I can see that boredom has overcome her,when we told her that you are on the way she was overjoyed and now how do we tell her that you went to Jesus.She never got to see the Nkazi that she would kiss or share sweets with,sing to.We were all ready for you;to love you unconditionally,be there for you but the thief came to steal you away from,killed our hopes and destroyed our dreams that we had.Mommy got you Winnie the pooh tekkies on her 25th birthday;because she knew that Kriel winter is too cold but my angel you won't wear them.What must mommy do now?Nkazi,words cannot really express the pain I have for losing you.No one will ever understand because they didn't carry you for 8 months,they didn't give birth to your lifeless body but I did.I had to bury you and cover you with soil and leave you there.I just believe you are in a better place.Your world is not full of evil people who just steals your joy.Mommy adores you

Worst nightmare

My baby Nkazimulo was born sleeping(10/02/11),we were fine with no complications to be told that the heart stopped beating.I couldn't believe my ears and prayed that it was a lie,when my gynae(2nd opinion)confirmed that she was no more my life closed in on me.Nothing seemed to make sense,she was healthy and growing so beautifully and now she is gone.How does a mother make sense of that?

Lord please grant me this one wish,please bring my baby I promise I will be more appreciating.This time around I will rejoice at the news and embrace my growing tummy as you knit together my baby.This cut is too deep,I want to let go but how can I go on without you my angel.Lord please tell me how to say goodbye and let her rest in Your dwelling place where I know she won't hurt no more.There is peace and love where she is but where I am there is pain,sorrow and turmoil.I am grateful that the Lord spared my life so that I can take good care of my daughter but as a family we were all waiting in anticipation to hold you but by the time you arrived,we couldn't even hear a mere cry,just saw your lifeless body lying there with your eyes half-opened to show that you suffered before taking your last breath but why couldn't I feel that,why couldn't I save you.I am a born-again Christian and can see revelations in my dreams but I couldn't see that you were in trouble.Everyday I declared the blood of Jesus to protect you because I knew I couldn't protect you and I know He heard my prayer yet it was His will that you will live in that world and go without sin to the world of no pain.

Fly high my beautiful angel,fly up to the sky.Watch over us everyday;we use to lullaby you with "twinkle-twinkle little star" now we need you to lullaby us my angel,daddy and I can't sleep.We need to hear your sweet voice singing to us,teach us how to let go of bitterness but do not teach us to let go of  you nor forget you because we can't.You meant the world to us and we were ready to give you all the love and provide for you with the little that we had,we knew that you were a perfect gift from the Lord.We trust that the Lord is here and will see us through each and everyday of our lives.You will be dearly missed.Mommy will always hold you so dear to her heart,you must know that she will always love you my little Tshami,what a perfect name for an angel like you.