The gap

I was asked this question "does the gap of a late child ever be filled", I say no child will ever replace another no matter what, as a mother our heart is so big to accommodate all the children you give birth to. I remember for the first few weeks of coming back with my rainbow I wouldn't sleep always checking if he was breathing, I didn't even allow him to sleep more hours because I was constantly worried if he is okay. Losing a child just creates this big hole that no one will ever fill, it just makes the mother fearful every time; honestly speaking I wish it never happened to me because even now I am too observant of everything rushing the baby to the pead when there are things I just do not get with the child.I also want to enjoy raising my children without stress. uhmmm will it ever happen *wondering*.I miss my Nkazi and I love her more everyday ;her brother is just helping me to be the best parent that I can possibly be.I enjoy spending time with my kids,and capturing every moment they just the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I make sure I tell them of their angel sister so that they grow knowing of her existence.

Pregnancy after stillbirth

Uhmmmm I wish I can write that the journey was smooth sailing but honestly speaking it was not,most of the times I felt drained and I am so sure that my ob/gynae was so tired of me and my questions cause boy oh boy I had so many questions to ask him.I could see in his face that he got bored of them. I kept a journal where I recorded my fears and honestly speaking even when I go back to the journal I don't see anywhere I recorded of my joy because I hardly had one.I was constantly worried and especially when the baby was just lazying inside I would poke him and when he didn't respond I would rush to the gynae's office. I decided that I cannot continue leaving in fear like that,I started reading more of the bible and day by day my strength got renewed.I would feel content and at ease,I decided to do midnight prayers and I knew if I skip a mere day I will be a nervous wreck the whole day. I told my gyane that I need to be induced very early but he told me that I am having a healthy pregnancy and he doesn't see the need to and I thank God for keeping me sane and interceding on my behalf when I couldn't go on.My baby arrived well and healthy it was not an easy journey but it was all worth it in the end. I will get my journal and write the scriptures that I meditated on day and night,the scriptures that saw me through and if you are a child of God you will find peace of mind.I believe that everyone must find something to occupy the mind and rid the fear cause when you fear that's when it actually happens. Wishing all angel moms,happy and healthy RAINBOWS