Saturday I managed to bless a baby girl who was born 3 weeks back with Nkazimulo's clothes.I felt happy knowing that the clothes won't be stored in a bag anymore but actually someone will really use it.The baby's mom is still a teenager with no work,it made so much sense to bless her child.I am actually proud of myself as I loved to open the bag,pack and repack and cry obviously.I only managed to leave winnie the pooh tekkies which I will be framing and hanging in my daughter's bedroom with Nkazi's name engraved and the date of her passing.

Phew*sigh of relief*,who would have thought that I can actually let go?As for me I really never thought I could let go of those clothes but the fact that the Child stole my heart is wonderful,she has such a beautiful name "Omontlemodimo"(God is beautiful),I couldn't agree more.

Nkazi my angel mommy loves you so much and I miss you lots daily.I am reminded of you everytime I see babies your age but mommy has to keep strong.

Sleep tight mommy's beautiful angel

Happy Angelversary Tshego

A beautiful baby girl born to a lovely family;
born uniquely as she was sleeping a year ago
but she still still remains her parents treasure
living in their hearts everyday
wishing it could have been different
yet even out of sight,she is highly treasured.

As your brother sings so loud and beautifully
"Happy birthday to you,we miss you Tshego,don't
forget about us."
It shows that you hold a special place
and you will be treasured forever
He longs for you daily,for your presence in his life
but I know you'll send a rainbow their way.

Beautiful Tshego your memories will be treasured forever
Happy angelversary beautiful baby girl
not only your parents are lost,we are lost too without you.

This post is dedicated to my friend's baby girl(Tshegofatso) who was born sleeping on 21 October 2010.Keeping her memory alive each and everyday.

Stillbirth World Awereness Day(15/10/2011)

My day was good,took out your clothing bag and just checking what is it I can give out and what is it I can keep.I had to go to church so wasn't really sure what time I will be back to really have my me and you time.Either way I had set a reminder that even when the day can get busy,I must atleast spend time in your honey.

At 19:15 I got home from church went straight to your photo where there are 3 red-heart shaped candles and I had one white one in my hand.I called your sister and told her to keep quiet and she did :-).We lit the candles for you and had a moment of silence,I was just reflecting on the joy you could have brought me should your destiny had been different.We blew the candles and that was it....

I really miss you my darling angel,you are all that mommy thinks of.Loving you still.

Honestly speaking I could have written something on monday when you made your 8 months mark in heaven,I remember sitting quietly and asking myself that since you are now an angel do you go through the growth stage in heaven like you've would have been here on earth,and I smilled at the thought that really now you could be crawling and teething *smiles*.

Then I realised that I miss you so much.You are now my sweet guardian angel,I love you so much and will always do.Thinking of you a lot lately,the 15th October is Stillbirth Awareness day and I will be lighting a candle in your memory,I will get your sister to light one as well,plus I have nice heart-shapped ones near your photo.We are thinking of you.

I love you

Oh my word;reading my last post.Only confussion reigned and it had nothing to do with you my angel but every time my life take a turn to another direction,it makes me miss you even more.I was overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.Fearing the unkown,asking myself how will I cope another pregnancy after losing you and the way your dad handled the matter drove me up the wall hence I was angry with him and thought he is insensitive towards my feelings.

Okay I understand it differs as I will be the one carrying yet another child but all I want is for him to be able to support me emotionally.Which makes me wonder how do angel mom's cope with pregnancy after stillbirth?

Any angel mom who has bee blessed with a rainbow please feel free to share.How did your husband or partner offer his support?How long did you wait till you tried again?How did people react seeing your growing belly?How did holding that alive,screaming baby felt?Please help us to prepare ourselves mentally,I know it differs from person to person but your experience and how you conquered will really help.