Call me crazy

Call me crazy when I miss my daughter and wish I can have her back but I call myself perfectly normal.Death is death,who said if it's a stillborn it is less important?I just get this change the topic attitude when I talk about my child and I quote "It's not like she lived for 6 years then dies."Diiish that's my own flesh and blood and I decide how I remember her and if you are not comfortable hanging around me cause I will talk about Nkazi,bounce.I am so tired of people dectating how I should behave.

Call me crazy when I think of having another baby but I call it normal and yes I am not TTCing but that doesn't mean I am not aspiring to be one day.If you think it is too soon,that's your own opinion and not mine so keep them to yourself.If you think that I am trying to replace my daughter,you are just letting your mind play tricks with you cause in real sense no mother will ever think of replacing a child and beside a child is not like furniture you can't replace.

Call me crazy when I look at babies and think of mine and wish she could be this far long in life,and I call myself normal.I don't have to be a pschologist to know that people grieve differently so don't compare me to others.Call me crazy when I resent a pregnant woman but I call myself normal.

Call me crazy when I research on everything leading to stillbirth,I call it equiping the mind.Yes my baby's death had been an eye-opener and knowing what I can possibly know about pregnancy and pregnancy loss is now my priority.

Call me crazy when I talk about my baby with dry eyes and I call it the healing process.Because I have lost a child doesn't mean I have to always look miserable and fall apart at every conversation.I bath and put on my best item of clothing that's my beautiful smile and face the day.You can say it is still too early but I call it being positive about life.

Call me crazy when I just stare at my baby's scan picture but I call it keeping her memory alive.My baby will always be apart of me.

Call me crazy when I write in this blog instead of going to counselling but I call it being normal as why should I pay someone who never went through the same loss as me and at times tells me "give yourself time,you will be fine."What keeps me sane is blogging my feelings away,call it hanging out my dirty laundry but I call it reaching out to all angel families.

Call me crazy when I panick from every little abdomen pain but I call it being normal cause I am human.Yes I lost my baby but I am not a weirdo,I am not crazy I am perfectly normal and to be honest if her grave was nearer to where I am I was going to visit it everyday.You call it spooky,I call it missing my child.