Mother's Intuition

When something is about to happen you know it but you just don't understand it untill it happens.Today I want to unfold the feelings I had even though I had a problem free pregnancy,warning signs were there but I was too blind to see.Just after my birthday(25\01)I had gastro acid which I went to my GP on 27/01.He gave me medication,which I started right away but when we were there I realised that my baby was measuring 2 weeks behind but the heart rate was very strong,I immediately brought into his attention and he said I must not worry about it as sometimes baby's growth slowers.I prayed during my midnight slot and like he said I just didn't worry much.He said he will call my gynae and check my test results and I should come back after two weeks(10/02/11).He phoned and told me that my results are normal and I have nothing to worry about.But since I started taking the medication I realised that my baby's movements have lowered and I asked fellow mommies who told me that late in pregnancy baby kicks become minimum.Okay since with my first baby I didn't have problems I just took like that.The monday (7/02)I felt like my belly is sinking in my tummy,it felt like baby pulling the cord and my mind was put to rest when I was told that baby is just facing a different direction.I remember when one Christian Brother told me that his pastor's wife lost the baby,stillborn I was worried and just had this an easy feeling,thinking to myself if it happened to mighty warriors of God it can also happen to me but my friend El said I shouldn't dwell in negativity which she was right.Wednesday night I had a sharp pain on my abnormal and was nauseous then I went early to bed but didn't get my heart monitor(I hardly used it with Nkazi as I thought I bought it with my 1st daughter and was always paranoid and would check the heart beat and she was born healthy so why bother)that same night I dreamt of my late cousin Kippie(we were happy and sharing jokes at my late granny's house),nothing much.Little did I know she came to fetch my daughter and to tell me that they are happy.

As a prayer warrior,February I just didn't pray much only before going to bed and midnight I will just wake up and go to the toilet and say to myself no I just want to sleep I'll see when I will pray but funny enough God took me to the book of Job and wednesday night I was in Chapter 8 and was not understanding,untill I prayed and my prayer was"Lord I don't know why you took me to this book cause I do not understand it but I pray may you give me your wisdom to understand it."Thursday morning(10/02) Husby and I went to the dr's room(GP) and before we could go to the scan his assistant asked"are you here for your 4months scan?" we laughed at her and told her I was 8 months pregnant,my belly was just too small.The dr came and did the sonar,the first thing he said is this head doesn't look normal;okay I just thought to myself maybe my baby will be abnormal either way it didn't mean much to me as the test results were all good;he immediately went to the heart beat and said Maa'm I can only pick up your heart beat,okay so what dr?I asked,he then replied I am so sorry Maa'm............

OMW,he prepared that I go to the nearest gynae for a c-section.I phoned my mom and she said I must come back home PLK,it didn't make sense to me but Husby said baby lets go home,it's good to be around family.Since we are not mobile he went and asked for a car and we went to PLK and to be honest even though pronounced dead I could still feel the baby move and when I poked her she will move away.He got to my gynae who took me straight to the sonar and confirmed,he prepared that I go to the hospital.I got there and I was induced at 18:30,my mom was there asking different pastors to pray for me and I was digesting the news also.After my mom left,my aunt came we went and sat with her on the visitors side and the pains were bearable,10:00 she left and soon as I got to bed they were horrible then I asked for a pain relief(air gas and epidural),I fell asleep then I just felt this edge to push which I did since there was no harm cause baby is already dead.Then Nkazi arrived sleeping with eyes half opened at 11:45 and cord wrapped tightly on her neck 6 times and twisted as well.Husby and I set there with her for an hour.We prayed for her and took our time,she sure looked like daddy.I must admit my genes are weak(wink)

In the morning my gynae took blood tests which even today I am not interested in the results and I am fine with not knowing.Will only visit him again when I am preggers cause seeing all the bumps there at his rooms is unbearable.

So God talked to me concerning this but my spiritual ears was closed that even the obvious signs I didn't see.but I don't blame myself who would want to know that something might go wrong when you have dreams for your child.God always talks to us so we must level ourselves with Him so that we get the message.Maybe Nkazi would still be here if I had listened but it happened I just need to move past it.To all pregnant mommies do not let anyone(including GP) other than your gynae to say all is well especially if they are not trained for it,bearing in mind that each and every pregnancy is different.

In all this I thank my family even though it was tough we came out refined just like gold.All my friends who were there with their words of comfort and I heard there was a hot babyshower planned for me,actually I was suppose to have 3,just remember that I am done with that road.From now on I will live by old tales,no babyshowers,no buying baby stuff before their born,no disclosing how far am I(wink).