When I have picked up the pieces and moving past all anger and hate,the harsh realities comes back not as a flashback but as reality.I really never blamed anyone for your death and now my heart is blaming people which I know it's wrong but from saturday all I do all day long is to blame people and it is making me uneasy.I honestly expected your dad to understand where I am coming from but no he just act ignorantly to my feeling.

Maybe I am consoling myself but I think that a breakdown once in a while it's fine,I lost you,my child,my dream,my future.I have alot going on in this mind of mine that I cannot bring myself to write it down but I am praying about it.I have been doing so well and really don't need this melt down.

I just have so much mixed feeling right now when it comes to your dad cause he is not soothing my heart but think I am sick and insensitive.I don't want anyone to understand but we are in the same boat and yes he needs to be strong for us but he is creating doubts in my mind.Okay let me ink off cause I am confussed and way too emotional,I am not even sure what I am blogging right now.But I will pray hard about this.

I love my beautiful angel