Oh my word if you had told me in March,I would have told you to get off my face cause you don't know what you are talking about.You know why was it like that?Because the pain was still fresh and unbearable and it seemed no one understood,but through the months I have learnt a secret to a fulfilling life,I have found joy and peace in my soul once more.No,No I am not strong;I have just accepted that my baby was born different,she was born sleeping but that doesn't make me love her less.I have learned to live with the fact that she's gone and that has taught me to let go of the pain,but what I cherish more is the bond we had and the birthing experience,spending an hour looking at her beautiful face,wow amazing.I have learned that pain can consume a person in a big way,it can make you neglect what matters most.It can make you lose vision for your life.Okay its good to be withdrawn but do you really think about how it affects your loved ones;how you might be depriving them of your love and attention.Pain can steal your life and joy.I have learnt over the months that there is power in letting go of pain.I chose with my own free will to remember my baby with happy emotions,to celebrate her with joy not bitterness,to cherish her as the angel she is.Like I said if someone had told me this earlier I was going to say the person is crazy and insensitive.What I love about letting go,is the fact that it needs an introspection,don't do it cause people say you must do it but do it cause your inner person says so.Some women have carried the pain till death,some can't truly love their children but it's all up to a person.I have decided to let go of the pain,to let go of the stigma of losing a baby.
My sweet sleep tight,mommy loves u dearly.
so happy for you that u r at a point where you are happy after such a loss, I'm very sorry for your loss, I too gave birth to a sleeping baby, the most painful thing that I've ever done,my son Thato was very much loved and needed,I also wish that I didnt buy so many things for him now I dont even know what to do with everything I bought.he was my first born,i'm still shattered,unlike you i'm very angry at God for taking my precious one,i am a born again but now i'm not sure where my faith lies.how do i forgive God for breaking my heart,I cant bring myself to it,i'm so angry at him
ReplyDeletethe above post is from Thato's mother
ReplyDeleteThere is no such pain like burying your own child.When we all have dreams and plans for our little ones,Nkazimulo's cot bed is still assembled and I come home to it everyday,all the things I had for her are just lying unused.There were nights I would lie awake and just cry,come home from work and just fall apart.As people we mourn differently,some take time to heal,some it's faster.I was angry at God,thought of ending my life cause my life was just too empty and no one seemed to understand yet in the midst of my agony I turned to the bible which has been my source of strength.You have mentioned that you are a born again christian,same here as time went by a conviction came to me,Christ couldn't stand the pain of cruxifiction that's why He cried "Lord,Lord why have you forsaken me."But death didn't hold Him down,that's where I gathered my strength.Thato's mom take time to deal with Thato's death,I hope your family is there for you all the way.I believe that our angels knows that they are loved and wanted so dearly.May his sweet soul sleep tight.I pray that you find inner peace.My e-mail address is kulimas@webmail.co.za if you want to talk,I am here for you anytime.
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